Pushing through

I can't watch movies or hear music about little kids being hurt or dying. It tears me up inside and think what if it was my son. Then I freak out inside and start crying like a baby because I love my son so much and I would do anything to protect him no matter what. He is my everything. I want him to have the best life possible. I am trying so hard to make a good life for him but I feel like I keep failing. 

I want him to have his own room. The little jealousy inside of me gets me every time when I think about how my ex has an apartment with his girlfriend and my son had his own room there. I know that in the long run going to college will pay off, but right now is creating this brutal battle inside of me. I know my being single is something that can't be help and there no need to rush a relationship... I just wish I had my own place. It sucks when my parents don't listen to the rules I have set for Mikey. I want them to respect my parenting skills, but I also want them to know that I will respect that they are grandparents and have a natural need to want to spoil their grandchild. Unfortunately we happen to live here. 

I don't want my son to be made fun of for being poor like I was, but I feel like there is nothing I can do anymore besides just keep up with school and work as much as I can.