Dear A.B., K.D., & L.H.
I feel like this happens all the time. Every time A.B. gets a new best friend they creates this clan and I feel like I can't penetrate it. I'm just left on the side lines. I know I sound childish, so if I recognize my immaturity about this.. then why do I even care? Why would I even bother to write this post? I suppose I need some where to write down the immature and ridiculous thoughts that run through my head. Might as well, instead of taking them out on anyone else that doesn't actually deserve to be yelled at.
Sometimes I question what I am doing with myself, am I leading people on to think I am a nicer person than I actually am? Inside I feel like an asshole, like I only care about myself. Then I show this caring person that does things for other people, sometimes I feel enjoyment, others I wish I could punch people in the face. I just wish someone would do things for me and be as nice and as generous as I've been to them. I mean, I spend my money on people is a false sense of friendship.... Silly. Maybe other people have their shit together better, which is why they know better to not spend money on me, or maybe they are all just complete jerks and try to get other people to spend money on them so that they can save theirs. Who knows. All these questions I do realize will never actually be answered, well not intentionally at least. It's not always about money, like I wish someone would whisk me away when I am having a bad day and just drive me to the beach or to the mountains. These are the things I do for other people when they are on a rough road, but they never think to do these things for me. Maybe I'm just in the wrong crowd, I don't know what my "crowd" is. I don't fit with the young moms, the college kids, the druggies, the partiers, or adults they have great jobs. It's sad that I am still trying to figure out where I belong and I'm twenty-five years old. I know I shouldn't hold so much weight over my age, but you figure someone would know by now. Maybe another ten years?
Maybe I'll just find my own friends.
Sincerely,
Don't fucking flatter yourself.
I feel like this happens all the time. Every time A.B. gets a new best friend they creates this clan and I feel like I can't penetrate it. I'm just left on the side lines. I know I sound childish, so if I recognize my immaturity about this.. then why do I even care? Why would I even bother to write this post? I suppose I need some where to write down the immature and ridiculous thoughts that run through my head. Might as well, instead of taking them out on anyone else that doesn't actually deserve to be yelled at.
Sometimes I question what I am doing with myself, am I leading people on to think I am a nicer person than I actually am? Inside I feel like an asshole, like I only care about myself. Then I show this caring person that does things for other people, sometimes I feel enjoyment, others I wish I could punch people in the face. I just wish someone would do things for me and be as nice and as generous as I've been to them. I mean, I spend my money on people is a false sense of friendship.... Silly. Maybe other people have their shit together better, which is why they know better to not spend money on me, or maybe they are all just complete jerks and try to get other people to spend money on them so that they can save theirs. Who knows. All these questions I do realize will never actually be answered, well not intentionally at least. It's not always about money, like I wish someone would whisk me away when I am having a bad day and just drive me to the beach or to the mountains. These are the things I do for other people when they are on a rough road, but they never think to do these things for me. Maybe I'm just in the wrong crowd, I don't know what my "crowd" is. I don't fit with the young moms, the college kids, the druggies, the partiers, or adults they have great jobs. It's sad that I am still trying to figure out where I belong and I'm twenty-five years old. I know I shouldn't hold so much weight over my age, but you figure someone would know by now. Maybe another ten years?
Maybe I'll just find my own friends.
Sincerely,
Don't fucking flatter yourself.
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