Frustrations

I've realized today that I am so over people.

                                        I lost my license for a ridiculous reason, and I think it should be explained to people in the beginning that you need to have an SR-22 for 3 years, prior to them going to get one. Long story....
For now I am more annoyed with the fact that I don't have a vehicle. I pride myself in being a very self sufficient person. I am not one to ask for help, unless I am desperate. Since October of  '10 I have been without a car. I am lucky enough that I have rides to work, and so far have been lucky that I have actually been able to find rides home. This is so difficult for me, I hate the fact that anytime I want to do anything, I can't just go out alone. I am not a loner, but sometimes I just like to do my own thing. I've spent most of my life doing things on my own, and when I tried becoming more open to doing things with people (example: going to the mall, grocery shopping, salon, ect.) I usually was let down by people being busy or some excuse to say they can't go. Wich is fine, people get busy, I have from time to time not been able to do things when invited or not been in the mood to be out and about. My point is I am use to just being able to do as I please, wether someone is with me or not. So for me to be "stuck" is hurting my pride. I feel like a kid, stuck at home, begging my parents to bring me some where. Half the time I just want to sit at home, perhaps I am a bit depressed, but I am really not a fan of using that word. I feel like it is a strong word, and a lot of people use it wrong. I am just trying to figure things out for myself. I suppose this was maybe some sick joke on me, trying to get me to learn to ask for help. Geez, I know how to ask for it, I just prefer not to. I love helping other people, it makes me happy to see that I made someone else happy. Though when someone does something for me, or gets me a gift of some sorts I feel like I now "owe" them something. Even if that wasn't the case, and they weren't looking for some kind of fairness in the sharing or helping field, I can't help but feel that way.



                          I think I've told my friends a million times now, "I just can't wait for W2's to come in, so I can finally get a car." It's very repetitive, and I'll admit it. It's because it is always on my mind. NEED CAR NEED CAR.... Over and over again in my head. Obsessive much? Haha. Yes, I'll allow it. I also just keep hearing left and right from friends and family that I am not read for any kind of commitment or relationship until I "get myself together." So your telling me that because I live with my parents, and don't have a car that I just can't be mature enough to still get my life in order while enjoying the company of a companion? That's crap. I feel ready to be in a relationship, I know I won't jump into anything. Men scare the shit out of me, but I can't let that stop me from trying. Perhaps, one day, I will find a nice person that will sweep my off my feet. The kind of person you get butterflies in your stomach when you are on your way to see them. ( Or in my case they are coming to get me. Lol.)


                        I can never get my thoughts organized enough for this, So I'm not even going to try anymore. I should just rename this : Ramblings of the unorganized mind.    Well, as long as I get my thoughts down, I'm sure it doesn't really matter what order they go in. The|End.