We mix like oil and water

I keep pretending everyone around me is in a relationship to help get me by. But then they go and fuck up my fantasy world by telling me they are single. Damn you.
        It is so much easier thinking everything you want is completely out of reach and not bothering to try anything with them, than actually realizing they might be in reach but you can never be too sure. I guess I have become a cesspool of grievance. I don't want to be hurt anymore, and it seems after all these years that is all people (exes) have done to me. I want my heart to mend. Please just stay away from me. Some of the newer people in my life are so beautiful it hurts. My entire body aches and I avoid any type of eye contact. Even looking at them is like a thousand needles piercings my eyes. Please stop being so attractive.

       Every time I write a lab report I want to stab myself in the throat. Just fyi.
                                    Sometimes I make my writing not line up at all for fun.
                 I need to buy new pants. Sweatpants everyday just isn't cutting it, and both my jobs frown upon them. Now I know I am done typing because I am rambling. Blarg.