I wanted to get this off my chest. I had little break down today. I was hanging out with my friend Kristan. We were just sitting in the car and out of no where I started thinking about how with my ex we use to act like we were 10 years old and do this weird accent and talk in it for almost an hour in the car, just fucking around having fun. I miss that a lot. I think that emotional beatings I have been taken from my recent endeavors with the girl I went on a "date" with and the guy that has most recently hurt me have taken more of a toll on me than I thought. I feel really cold and distant from the world... like I don't belong. Like no one will understand me and ever have fun with me like that again. I don't want to be with my ex ever again, so it is not that I actually miss him, the person. I miss having someone compatible that can take a break from reality and just be 10 years old again. Just for an hour, or 20 minutes. Just to have fun and not be judged or worry about the future. I feel like both of the recent people have been slowly degrading my faith in humanity.
We all how our sad moments where we wish on a time that once was. Unfortunately it is only possible to live life forwards, so I guess we just have to.
ReplyDeleteDid you write the poem? Because I like this bit about the lightning a lot.
Very true. I guess it is true that life only throws at you what it knows you can handle. It is just a bit depressing at times. Though I would love to take credit for the poem, I did not write it. It is quite beautiful and I felt it was fitting to what I was writing about.
Deletei know how you feel. i'm on the verge of feeling that kind of comfort again, but for a long time, i thought it was lost. You should keep trying, even if you do get hurt, maybe soon you'll find that connection again.
ReplyDeleteNice blog. Hope you have a great Christmas.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. :) I have been feeling better and trying to keep my chin up. I think the hard times take a big chunk out of us for a bit, then we get back to living life again. I'm glad to hear that you are on the line of feeling comforted. I, on the other hand, am far from that line. No particulars in my life at the moment, but it feels good to know that I can say I am okay with that and mean it. Usually I spout out words about being fine with being single and what not, but it is usually a lie I comfort myself with. And this became a really long comment/reply back. Oh man. Well thank you again for taking the time to read my writing. Have a Happy Holiday and New Year!
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