I just want you to know that it's a little fucked up

There is no "Dear"

I am sad. Even when I am out with friends, which I seem to be constantly doing lately to avoid being home, I feel alone. I feel so incomplete. I miss the person I use to tell everything to. Everything is just bottled up inside of me, and I want to call him. I want to tell him of all the love I have for him still, and how I don't want to lose him, he is my everything. But I couldn't handle another rejection, not from him. When Mikey came home last night all he was talking about was how he wanted to see Connor, Braedon, and August. He still doesn't understand why he can't see them. I held it together, explained the best I could, made him dinner and ask my parents if I could be excused for a few minutes. And then there I was, in my room.... tears weld up in my eyes. I just broke down. I felt like I was screaming like a dying whale with the sounds that came out of me. All the hurt needed to get out. I am so pathetic. I felt like I have betrayed myself, letting myself continue to hurt like that.

Sincerely, Why do I write these like letters?