Dear World,
I don't get it, I just don't understand. Perhaps my brain just can not compute something like that. I've been through many break ups, and you think back to them and remember how much it hurt, because a part of you is still hurting from each one. With each love.... a piece of you is given to the person, perhaps that is the real pain we feel? The missing piece that we will never get back. I just remember that I felt so much pain, the pain when Mike and I broke up was ridiculous. I remember not eating and basically sleeping my life away. But I had almost forgotten exactly how much the mental pain was. Once you've been broken again...everything comes back. I carry around so much with me... I don't know how to let it all go. It's not like I haven't tried. I've tried seeing other people, or seeing if I could be intimate, or just keeping busy. I have been trying so I know I am not crazy. There's is literally nothing I can do except continue to ignore every voice in my head that says to miss him. What do you do then? Just sit there, in pain, because there is literally nothing else I can do....
I could sit here and talk to 59034988 attractive men and women and still wish they were someone else. Well, unless it's the Tatum, but only because in real life he is a gentleman.
I am worried. I don't know why I worry about him. I think because of the drastic personality change that his T levels are too high, but that is not my business anymore. If I said anything, he would completely kick me out of his life... not like that hasn't already happened. I was talking to a friend, who is dating a Trans* guy, and she said that around the 5 and 6 months on T mark he was acting the same way. They had broken up for a month or so and then when he had realized his T levels were too high he fixed it and his personality went back. Sometimes I think maybe that will happen...but then I remember all the damage that has been done. How can you repair this? I never even thought he'd ever tell me to "Fuck off!" ever. Not in a million years. I really can't wait for the day that I do not car anymore.
Sincerely, I don't think it could ever be that good again.
I don't get it, I just don't understand. Perhaps my brain just can not compute something like that. I've been through many break ups, and you think back to them and remember how much it hurt, because a part of you is still hurting from each one. With each love.... a piece of you is given to the person, perhaps that is the real pain we feel? The missing piece that we will never get back. I just remember that I felt so much pain, the pain when Mike and I broke up was ridiculous. I remember not eating and basically sleeping my life away. But I had almost forgotten exactly how much the mental pain was. Once you've been broken again...everything comes back. I carry around so much with me... I don't know how to let it all go. It's not like I haven't tried. I've tried seeing other people, or seeing if I could be intimate, or just keeping busy. I have been trying so I know I am not crazy. There's is literally nothing I can do except continue to ignore every voice in my head that says to miss him. What do you do then? Just sit there, in pain, because there is literally nothing else I can do....
I could sit here and talk to 59034988 attractive men and women and still wish they were someone else. Well, unless it's the Tatum, but only because in real life he is a gentleman.
I am worried. I don't know why I worry about him. I think because of the drastic personality change that his T levels are too high, but that is not my business anymore. If I said anything, he would completely kick me out of his life... not like that hasn't already happened. I was talking to a friend, who is dating a Trans* guy, and she said that around the 5 and 6 months on T mark he was acting the same way. They had broken up for a month or so and then when he had realized his T levels were too high he fixed it and his personality went back. Sometimes I think maybe that will happen...but then I remember all the damage that has been done. How can you repair this? I never even thought he'd ever tell me to "Fuck off!" ever. Not in a million years. I really can't wait for the day that I do not car anymore.
Sincerely, I don't think it could ever be that good again.
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