I can't function well

I saw something funny that I thought you would like, and I got so excited about wanting to send the picture to you, but then I remembered, I can't do that stuff anymore. I can't see a hilarious picture that makes me think of you and let you know about it. I almost broke down, but I held it together.
I really want to finish watching Doctor Who, and it hurts to know I will probably never get to finish watching it because we watched it together. Yeah, I can watch a show  we watched together, sure, but it wouldn't include your commentary about things to watch for in the future of the show... I sound pathetic.

I miss you so much. It hurts, mostly it is hard to breathe. I wonder if you miss me.. if you see things you think I'd like, something funny that made you think of me and then realize you can't send it to me, does it hurt a little, like you miss me? Do you go your entire day without thinking about me once? There are far few and in between moments of you that I don't think about you. I want to stop. I want to be happy again, and I know only I can do that for myself, but god damn it, you'd make this process so much easier if you were around. Why aren't you here? Fuck you.