I kinda miss you, sir.

After a sweet letter in my FB inbox from Sare (that was basically an essay). I have finally began to grip onto the school thing. I find myself actually understanding things in class. I feel more confident in my writing and work. Now that I understand and comprehend what is going on around me, I enjoy school. I was actually very upset the psych class was cancelled today. Not to mention that I am a broke bitch, so having to drive all the way back home was a bummer... I just really wanted to go over chapter 3 in class. I realized that the whole psych thing that has to do with plotting and graphing has of no interest to me. As soon as we starting learning how the brain works I was like, "OH SNAP! This is fucking awesome!" I definitely want to take a biology class and a chemistry class next semester! Ode' to the excitement.
                  I seem to be "falling" for many things. I'll allow it.
I have this dream project I have to do, to interpret what my dreams mean to me. I can do a poster, or write a song, a poem, or a reenactment. I think I am going to do a poster and a song. Though if the song is too much for me I will probably go with a poem, just because I have never written a song before so I am not sure how I would go about it. Plus I would have to actually preform it in front of the class. EEK! Also we have to do an essay along with it. All the while we have a research paper due the first week of May. Not to mention all the other essay papers that will be due during this time period. This could be rough, I am so ready for the challenge. Bring it.
                        Also, I kinda miss my buddy. You need to hang out with me soon...just saying. I know you don't "miss" people, but deal with the fact that I can actually admit to missing playing guitar with you, or just driving around, and just talking.

Sleeping with the enemy

What I have discovered from my first week in college:
1. Sitting still for 3 hours straight sucks just as much as it did before.
2. Turning off your instant messenger while doing homework is the best policy.
3. Home work assignments can be vicious.
4. You read so much that even thinking about picking up a book you actually enjoy reading sounds like a chore.
5. You spend so much time thinking about home work assignments that you actually forget about eating all day.

In a nutshell; this sucks, but this is what I asked for. I want to get the most out of my learning experience. So if I have to read my psychology chapters twice to actually understand the, so be it. If I get basically no social time because home work takes up 75% of my time and actually sitting in class takes up 10% and my son takes up the other 15%, then I will just have to make do.

In other news, I got offered a job at Lowe's and Walmart. Tomorrow I am suppose to go to both stores and take drug tests and criminal back round checks. Now I don't know which job to choose. Lowe's is seasonal, so I am only guaranteed a job until July 28th. Unless they still need people and I am a good work. Walmart will only be giving me 24 hours a week, and will only need my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Lowe's if offering 9 to 10 dollars and hour. I don't know what Walmart is offering yet. I think it might only be $8 per hour though. So what do I do? Go to Lowe's where I will make more, and be offered more hours but know that I am not guaranteed to work past July 28th? Or go to Walmart where I will make less, but know I will still have a job past the summer time? I am also afraid that if I choose one then decide later I don't like it, will the other job still want to hire me? I don't want to end up loosing the chance to work at a place later, just because I decided to go in the other direction. I am also worried that because school is demanding so much of my time, that I won't be able to function. I don't want to burn out. MCC has a contract with SNHU that if you are a student at MCC and want to transfer to SNHU, you must have a 3.0 grade average. If you have a 3.0 or  higher grade average you can get a scholarship of 4 to 5 thousand dollars. I don't want to risk my grade point average because of exhaustion. So much to think about, but I feel like I am running on empty sometimes. I wake up extra early everyday to get studying in, even when I stay up until almost midnight studying. Have I mentioned that I have three quizzes on Monday? AH! I better do amazing on them, because I refuse to do anything but excellence.


In some more other news, I have a girlfriend. I wasn't going to talk about her too much yet because I wanted to make sure she actually stuck around. Knowing my relationships in the best 8 months I tend to get tired of people fast. ( I sound snobby.) I really like her though, I think I'll keep her around =) She always makes me smile, very considerate, and is the most resilient person I have ever met. She's in her second year at SNHU in the culinary program. Which then entails that she can make me nom noms. She also plays football for the team Manchester Freedom. I really enjoy going to her practices and games/scrimmages. Another thing that makes me feel great inside is that she actually thinks about me and is considerate of me. I, in the past, haven't had a partner that actually thought about me during the day. Or wanted to text me just to tell me they miss me, or are thinking about me. I feel unstoppable when I am with her, like I can achieve anything. Fate has great plans for me, I am sure of it.

Water works

I cried in front of my girlfriend last night. I felt so uncomfortable about it, because there's nothing I hate more than looking weak. I was completely surprised by the reaction she had though. She wanted to be there for me... Someone wants to listen?


It felt good to know....that she really does care.

There's only been two people I've met that have had the power to completely break my heart. One I think I might have recently hurt, and my ex. This one could possibly be the death of me...in a good way. I like that I can be completely retarded and she likes me just as much ad before, if not more. Totally diggin' it.

Color me tender

I feel like you never even cared...
You just let me go. Why wouldn't you fight for me?




School starts on Monday. I am not as excited about it as I once was. I no longer have a job from my own stupidity, therefore I have no money for books. I will not receive my refund until 30 days have the semester starts. I pretty much fucked myself. I am pretty good at fucking up my own life. Just when I thought I was making things better for me and my son I somehow back tracked. All the money I have left in my account which is a woping $175 has to go to things that automatically come out of my account so I don't go negative. So my car insurance will be paid for. Though what good is car insurance if you can't drive your car. I can't get it inspected because I don't have the money for it. WTF!?  I am not one for self loathing, really... I just can't believe I couldn't find a job yet. I have my second interview for Lowe's on Wednesday. I am no sure if I'll get the job, I just hope I get it.   My total cost for my books, and this is by looking online for the cheapest ones comes to $281.00. AHH! 

Zip your lip like a padlock

I am so lost in my own head. One minute I know what I want, then the next I haven't the slightest. I have a problem with being indecisive. I can never make my mind up, though generally I never really care. I don't care where we go out to eat, where we go to hang out, or what we end up doing. I just don't care, it's not something I think about. I just like spending time with my friends. Whether we are crowded in by a million people or just doing the one on one thing.

I seem to always make things more complicated than they really are. This post is not going to make much sense, I can't sort my thoughts out. So I am just typing whatever comes to mind.

I think that it is crazy how you can be practically infatuated with someone, then out of nowhere not even care about them anymore. I think that almost everyone does this. Sometimes you meet that person that you are so intrigued with, that you can imagine spending all your time with them (well, within limits of course). Then when they are distant, you seem to think about them less. I feel like my heart never grows fonder, usually it wonders. I think I am easy to get, but hard to keep. In the end that is what is really important, keeping that someone in your life. Once you are absent in my life for too long, I find ways to distract myself...sometimes those distractions become more than just distractions.... Now I am thinking, am I even ready for that yet? I don't even know what I want....

LAWLERSKATES

Misery Buisiness
Realize
Sunny came home


Yep, I've been bored.