I like holidays.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Apartment for rent

"Apartment for rent"

With eyes like fire and a mouth like a serpent
A smarter version of myself would stand clear

I keep giving you eviction notices
from my heart
But you just stay, rent free
You are everything I am not
And so, I envy you
Those lips speak poison
And I am kiss away from a broken pulse

              -J. Lajoie

Your fair lady

"Your fair lady"

You are the avenger of your desolate past
waiting for the dust to settle,
those once sturdy bones of yours
are brittle and they bend
is it for your own security?
I watched as the pigments on your skin changed
from a tarnished red to light pink
the scars from dragons you've slain,
and yet
no princess was saved
no victory portrayed
perhaps the demons that inhibit you
should be tamed
before tending to helpless maidens,
and by chance
ego bruising or nobility gaining
a fair lady could save you?
                       -J. Lajoie

The ex in lover

"The ex in lover"

Thinking about you makes my stomach churn,
like the morning after a desperate drinking binge.
Your laughter, that was once the chorus to my favorite song,
is now the screeching of dying birds.
I hope the legs you've spread
don't equal the amount of hearts you've tread upon.
And the lies that you speak,
are agonizingly purged from your lips.
I'd be one wealthy ex lover,
if bitterness were weighed in gold.
                    -J. Lajoie

Perks

Today I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I left the theater in awe. I just fell in love with the main character, though a part of me felt the main character was taken from a chapter of my life. That is weird, isn't it? Falling in love with fictional characters and all. I digress, my friend mentioned that I probably fall for the quiet people. This only furthers my hypothesis about me only finding people that are hard to read attractive. Fuck. It will never end. Forever a wallflower lover, indeed... and that can't be good. Looks like a nice and long single life for me! hahaha.


I don't even know anymore man... Wait, when did I get so obsessed with relationships. FACK!

     

Confess your sins

I really dislike it when I can not read someone... I have a very good judge of character ( for the most part ), so I can generally read people pretty well. But then there are those people that are like "fuck you, can't read me for shit." Bastards.



I hate that the only things that intrigue me anymore are people that are difficult to read. Why am I so persistent with people who challenge me? I make things hard on myself.... It's not even like I want these people ( sexually ) I just want to know them... with all these deductions, I have concluded that I am fucking hopeless case and need a new hobby..

A dance is broken

"A dance is broken"

This is the dance of the unwanted,
a quick curtsy and you'll have me in the palm of your hand,
please don't smile,
I might never let you go,
shit.. not again. 

           -J.Lajoie

Sorry for the poetry spam guys, I just have a lot of feelings... lol
Besides that.. I just feel full of ideas, just letting it out the best way I can.

Also, I learned another song on the guitar... HOLLA

Cupids aim is a little off today kids

“Cupid’s aim is a little off today kids”

Keep pulling my strings, I dare you.

Lie to me, lie to me… 

Promise you’ll never change, because I adore your chaos.

Who needs love when ignorance is bliss?

                                          -Jessi Lajoie

Vengeance is just an excuse

But you, you've gone too far this time

You have neither reason nor rhyme

With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine

You and me, we're broken

"You and me, we're broken"

He walked over carrying his cold shoulder
I'm well aware of your presence,
the kind that pushes people away
The kind of feelings that scream, "I won't let you in"
I avoid eye contact,
Please notice me.

I start multitasking, like I usually do
Avoiding any type of interaction,
you make me nervous
Lighting my cigarette, holding my coffee, zipping up my bag
I pull out things from my pockets,
pretending my attention is going to my phone.

I can feel your eyes on me
My cheeks start to burn
My mouth runs dry and I take a sip of my coffee,
sucking up any strength I have in my being
I look up and smile, "Hi"
Please talk to me,
I like your voice.

My Fingers start shaking,
I notice this and put my cigarette to my lips
I feel like you are reading me,
My every move is like an open book
You walk away.

I talk to friends
Avoid looking at you
The corners of my eyes start to hurt,
they ache with wanting to see you
Damn you eyes for making me weak

I give in
I look at your feet as they shuffle,
going from one foot to the other, impatient?
You laugh with friends,
I watch your smile fade
Your eyes,
your eyes seem to be filled with lessons,
each heart break and hurtle
I want to know you.

Looking at my phone, time to go
I sigh, maybe tomorrow
I'll muster up the courage,
but not today
Today I walk away with my cold shoulder,
Hiding my lesson filled eyes,
working on a less faded smile
But not today.

We mix like oil and water

I keep pretending everyone around me is in a relationship to help get me by. But then they go and fuck up my fantasy world by telling me they are single. Damn you.
        It is so much easier thinking everything you want is completely out of reach and not bothering to try anything with them, than actually realizing they might be in reach but you can never be too sure. I guess I have become a cesspool of grievance. I don't want to be hurt anymore, and it seems after all these years that is all people (exes) have done to me. I want my heart to mend. Please just stay away from me. Some of the newer people in my life are so beautiful it hurts. My entire body aches and I avoid any type of eye contact. Even looking at them is like a thousand needles piercings my eyes. Please stop being so attractive.

       Every time I write a lab report I want to stab myself in the throat. Just fyi.
                                    Sometimes I make my writing not line up at all for fun.
                 I need to buy new pants. Sweatpants everyday just isn't cutting it, and both my jobs frown upon them. Now I know I am done typing because I am rambling. Blarg.

Do whop sha waaaa

I got bored today and starting writing a story...


” My Own Type Of Sanity”
I wake up to silence and sweat dripping from my forehead. My lips are dry as I smack them together after saturating them with the saliva from my tongue. “Not again…” I say. I look at the clock, it’s 2:04 AM. My dreams have left me exhausted. I stand up and wobble for a second, my body is still not ready to handle reality. I walk to get a drink and think maybe this will help. But it is the same every night… wake up, drink water, lay back down, and then stare at the black ceiling for another hour before my body caves into exhaustion.
   I have kept to myself lately, it keeps life simple. I think maybe one day he might end up back into my life. This wasted life of mine. I turn over to my side and grab my pillow. Squeezing it tightly I sigh. This is getting old and I need something new to occupy my time. Maybe someone new…. perhaps that boy at school. “No, he’s too good looking.” Maybe that guy at work, “No.. I don’t want to mess up anything at work.” Here I am again, thinking maybe being single is the best think possible. I roll over again to my right side. I let out a groan. “I just want to sleep and stop thinking.” I stop thinking about the day and all the things I could have done differently. I close my eyes and pretend I am happy, picturing myself hiking up a hill calling back to my friends, “Hey, hurry up slow pokes. At this rate by the time I get to the top I can smoke a butt before you reach me!” I chuckled and I slowly start to fall. Darkness and weightlessness fill me and I am in sweet somber.
...to be continued..


I haven't written in a long time, it takes a lot for me to get back into writing. I guess something finally clicked in me that brought a part of myself back. Anywho... here is something fun.

You sassy young thing

Touching base to let everyone know I am still alive, for the most part. My new job is lame, but it is more money than I had before so I'll take what I can get. Lowe's is going well and I think I am really proving myself to be an asset there, which is phenomenal! It is my favorite month of all time so that means soon enough good things will be happening! Let's go through the list shall we?

• Pumpkin picking
• Hayride
• Haunted houses
• Corn mazes
• Costume shopping
• CANDY!

I really love fall! I have also decided to start embracing Winter. This year I will be snowboarding and I have a few friends that will be going with me! I'm really starting to love my life again. That's a pretty big deal.