You're really good at that.

Please stop being such a little bitch and get over it. She isn't worth it, and shes ugly.She treats you like a fucking dog. There is so much better out there for you. Can't you see I fucking care. God, I must be really bad at showing how much I care for people. The only way I know how to show any caring is by buying shit for people. I try to do nice things but it always involves money. Why can't I figure out how to do nicer things for people without spending.... fuck.
         I just...I don't know how to say all the regrets I have about the past. There are so many, and I realize I need to stop. I need to get over the past... but why can't I hold on just a little bit longer. I miss so many things, and missed out on many things as well. Get a grip...
         I feel like some days I am losing my mind. Sometimes I wake up and cry. I don't want to go on with working so hard just to live a measly existence in this pathetic world that is all about being beautiful and rich. But then I remember Mikey, he is the only reason I get up and go to work, do homework, and go to class. Otherwise, I would be a complete utter mess. Sometimes my mind races so fast its hard for me to keep up with myself. Why am I so sad? I don't think I'll ever be satisfied. I am so sorry for everyone that is in my life and has to deal with me, I know I am an asshole.

Actually...

Not everything is about sex. We don't have to have sex every single day. We are still in a good relationship if we don't have sex at least three times a week. So please, stop making me feel like shit because I'm not in the mood.

Sometimes feelings...

I hate that when ever he is far away I suddenly don't exist. Thanks for making me feel special.... I totally love being ignored., and blown off. Looks like I'll barely talk to you on our 1 year anniversary too... fuck this.

If you can wait 'til I get home

It is so much easier for all the students that are younger than me that go to college and can keep busy when they get home for winter or summer breaks. They have their dorm rooms that they stay in while school is in session, and then when the school breaks come they can go see their friends and family that they haven't seen in awhile. Then there is the population of students, life myself, that don't have a dorm room and are single parents. During school breaks life is practically the same as before with the exception of going to class and doing homework. I tell ya though, I would much rather be doing homework right now than sitting here bored out of my gourd, praying that my car gets fixed soon. I haven't hung out with a friend in......months. My boyfriend is kept busy in Vermont, seeing all his friends and family. While I am going insane here waiting for him to text me back. Since he has gone home we have barely talked and I feel like I am on a serious melt down. For the past three days I haven't done anything fun. I've worked, sat in my room, and wrapped presents. The highlight of my life right now is work, I can't wait to work so I can have actual human contact.

                   I feel like no one understands. When other people don't have cars I've always gone out of my way to help them or hang out with them because I know how it feels. Other people I know that still don't have  cars have friends that offer to take them places and/or pick them up to hang out. I don't have that, my parents give me rides to work...the end. What am I suppose to do with myself. I understand it is no one's problem but my own to keep busy and find things to do, but why does everyone else get it so easy? Why is every day a constant struggle for me? I've worked hard for everything I own since I was fourteen years old, and what do I have to show for it?

                          My son is always keeping me from falling apart and now he is at his father's house until Christmas morning. I just miss being young, I miss being able to hang out with friends and keeping busy. I miss not caring if my boyfriend doesn't text me back within ten minutes. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like he doesn't care about me right now, at least not like he use to. I remember when we first started dating he'd text me all the time, even while with friends, it didn't matter. Now I'm lucky if I can get five texts out of him. I just want to go back to where it all started falling apart and repair it. I'm tired of feeling like this, like I'm all alone in this.

Oh how I love these moments...

I am absolutely just over-joyed when (persons that shall remain un-named) go to their friends and talk shit about me. I'm just always in a bitchy mood and start fights. Really? Because it takes two or more people to fight. If you really feel that much hatred toward me why not just end it?

Seriously, I obviously don't mean that much to you if you are willing to run your mouth about me. Because again, I am just such a bitch... and so controlling.

Maybe, just maybe... if you told them the TRUTH with the complete story.. ya know.. not leaving what YOU said or did out of it... they wouldn't "take your side" so easily.

...but what do I know, I am a jealous bitch that always starts fights on purpose.

I feel like I am the only adult here.

boo.

Hip hop hip hiphopanotomous.

I just want to say thank you to the state of New Hampshire. Thank you, for fucking me. Seriously, do you want me to get the lube and just bend over? Cause I feel like that's what is already happening.

My car is still not inspected. Every time I fix it something else becomes broken. I can never win. I have fixed something new on this car for the past four months. I am going to get pulled over soon because my luck is going to run out.

I really need my school loans to come in faster. I am depending on that money to survive the school year. Please hurry up financial aid. I NEED this live.

The Department of family services shut off my son's health insurance, his daycare, and food stamps. Great, because I totally didn't need that. Of course I don't need food to eat, nor does my son. I half expected to send him to school starving with no lunch. Also, I really appreciate having to pay full for daycare now. God knows I can afford that, paying rent, going to school, and fixing my car. Being a single mother is easy, duh. Plus, now I don't have health insurance and neither does my son. Now I can just hang out at the ER all the time. Then just owe the hospital lots of money. Perhaps they should rethink what they are really doing to people when they cancel things. I didn't realize sitting on your ass and filing paperwork was the equivalent of being a rocket scientist. My apologies, I did not know I was getting in the way of you being a lazy piece of shit.

Classes are  giving me legit home work now, so it's not going to be a smooth ride, but I actually like school so no complaints there.

I have no real problems with work because it's work. We all generally dislike entering work when it's retail, don't keep lying to yourself... we all know you hate it.

Now.... I feel better because I actually wrote out all my mental issues. Now... to publish or not to publish?