Vinaigrette

I am so full of piss and vinegar it is disgusting. I need to get my shit together. I think my friends are starting to get annoyed of my shitty attitude towards life at the moment. Perhaps I have lost sight of what I am working so hard for. I just want a break and to be a fucked up teenager again and just drink away all of my feelings. That is silly though, time to grow up Jessi.

White flag

"White flag"

I want you draped in my skin
Tossing from one side of your bed to the other
I want to see your face turn from flesh to scarlet red
while I take off your clothes
I want our once innocent smiles, turned into lust
I want our emotions to spiral so out of control
one might consider sin as a rebirth
entangled with this blanket of skin
our flesh only holds us back
I want to devour you, such beauty
I want to be laying on my side staring into your eyes
planning my next attack
I want to take deep breaths to your ear
let me trace your body with my lips
I want each goose bump on your thighs
to bring out your white flags
I want to win you over, one last time
Surrender.
                        -J.Lajoie

One night stand

"I rely on myself, just making sure that was clear.

I’m not in need of your crutches, I've faced all my fears. 

And I won what I knew I could have.

Life is not a punch card, make the best of what you have.

But don’t wait, just go. 

And when you find yourself please, let me know." 

-A Day To Remember



I really like that song. Anyways... I am sexually frustrated doesn't even begin to cover my feelings right now. I really am doing well at not doing one night stands, but it is getting tougher and tougher. I am going to explode. That is all.

What do I do with all these feels?

                                                            
                                                                   "The Letter"

I take it all to heart
Don't point the finger
Choose the winner
Hold your own
It's never been arranged
Who's the liar
I'm the coward
The letter read like this...
Of all the sinners I've walked before

I can't deny
Somehow you're seeing it
So you're the one who took the fall
and it's bringing us together
Don't ask me why
Somehow I'm seeing it
and I'm breaking after all
This could last forever

The choice has always been
To take advantage
Ride it to the top
Still I'm caught again
I see this coming
See this coming true
Of all the sinners I walk before

I can't deny
Somehow you're seeing it
So you're the one who took the fall
and it's bringing us together
Don't ask me why
Somehow I'm seeing it
and I'm breaking after all
This could last forever

We'll see if I start coming clean
You'll see that I'm still missing

I can't deny
Somehow you're seeing it
So you're the one who took the fall
and it's bringing us together
Don't ask me why
Somehow I'm seeing it
I'm breaking after all
This could last forever

This isn't a real post

I feel like I am spiraling down the wrong path. I am going to put a stop to it now. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Lately I have been happy to see my friends, but mostly sad inside. I have been feeling like this broken person walking around pretending to be fine, when in reality I am anything but. I am trying to find closure in the memories that I can not fix. 

       I am trying to get over not being able to have certain people for more than just a friend. I don't want to fuck up our friendship, so they will never know. I will continue to take all my feelings for them and throw them away,  they are such a great friend... I don't want to lose something so important. Friends are more important than a relationship right now. I want to get most of my classes out of the way before getting to that bridge. I also need to spend as much time as possible with my son. Though I have been doing pretty good with balancing friend, school, homework, and Mikey time.

 AHH with the feels!

I wreck no havoc

Tonight we live

Going to a party tonight.


I haven't been to a college party since I was dating August. I apparently am going to be playing defense because Josh and Colin are gong to make it sufficiently awkward and try to get me laid. I told them I am not easily swayed. Sweet baby Jesus, give me the strength to ward off all the hotties... Fack.