Building blocks

Mikey's dentist appointment is today. I'm glad he takes after me and loves going to the doctors or dentist. So far he has been cavity free every time, hopefully this time he will be as well.

After the dentist I am bringing him to his babysitter's house because they asked if they could bring him to the fair with them. They know I don't have money and live pay check to pay check, so to be nice they offer to do fun things that cost money with him. It's really nice of them. I just wish I could bring him to the fair. I haven't been to the fair in years because I am usually broke or have to work. I hope he has fun though, he really is an amazing kid. I got so lucky, so blessed with him. Hopefully I'll be able to take him apple and pumpkin picking this year. I get even less hours at work than I used to.... so I don't know how this is going to go. Since my muffler fell off of my car and I don't have the $600.00 to fix it.

I am really sick of being broke all the time. My friends are great, and they offer to buy food and things... and I just feel like nothing I do will ever be enough. I just want my son to have a good life. Thankfully there are Good Wills around so I can actually buy him new shoes. Even though they are used, he is at the age where he goes through shoes so fast I just couldn't afford to buy him new shoes every month for $35.00 a pair. As much as I know going to school will be worth it in the long run, it is taking a toll on my finances. I feel like I am never going to move out of my parents house, never going to own a decent car, and never going to be free of this financial debt that keeps building. Blarg.

Reluctant

Being in a relationship makes me feel restrained and being single is lonely. I make the worst mistakes when I am single and become a cave dweller when I am in a relationship. Why can't I learn mix these two personalities?
I just want to be happy either way. I don't want to be a slave to love, and I don't want to act like I'm 15 every time I become single. Fack.

Notice me

Eye of the storm

Some days are harder than others. Like when it is hard to get out of bed... I just get so sad. Today was a hard day. It's usually when Mikey isn't here. Mikey keeps me going, I love that boy so much.

My friends have really been amazing at being there for me when I need them. I don't even know how I got so blessed to find people like this. I'm glad they are there for my bad and good days or I would be an utter mess. Not that I haven't shown messy characteristics lately.... that is beyond my control.

School will be starting in a week. I have all this week to fuck around and be lazy... and then the fun begins.
I really need September to treat me well...please.

Today is yesterday, tomorrow.

I am really over my ex. I've actually been over him for a little while now. I made sure I didn't start really looking for someone until I had moved on. I pride myself in my ability to know when I am and am not ready for a relationship. I don't lead people on and I don't pretend to care. I think I am a good person and perhaps one day I will make someone very happy and they will make me happy. Until then I am going to take my time... slowly dipping my feet into this vast ocean of people. It can be scary at times, wondering if you'll sink down to the bottom and be attacked by sharks. Or perhaps I will float and meet a few nice people. One things for sure, I am not going to be meeting anyone worth while near this shoreline. School starts on September 4th. I hope I do well in my classes. Perhaps starting out the new school year single is a good idea, nothing can hold me back but myself. I've got nothing to hold onto, new work and new school... everything is so different. My life has done a complete flip from what it was just a month ago. Fascinating, isn't it? How fast things can change, how scenery can play a big part in how fast you change... or what changes inside of you.

My phone is blowing up.

Dah fauq?

Seriously... fucking seriously... I think I have had enough rejection for the Summer.
Why the fuck would you go out of your way to find me and get to know me when you were still hung up on your ex? I really don't understand people. I am done with people for awhile.