I seem to be in one of those existential moods. Those days when you are just generally in a bad mood. I have been avoiding talking much to people today because of it. Far be it for me to bring someone else's mood down, so I avoid being a bitch to people. I wasn't going to write a post, but then I was like, meh, fuck it; alas, here we are.
I've been enjoying this single time I have. It is when I do my best work, I realize more about myself, and have a great time with my friends (not that I don't always have a great time with my friends, but I spend more time with them being single). But most of my friends are in new blooming relationships now, and I am just like....
I do get out and about, I am great with meeting new people, and I am always being told that I have this glow/charm about me. So, like a idiot I believe my friends. But enough is enough, when am I going to meet my prince fucking charming? I just think it is about time I find someone, but c'est la vie.
Anyways, the point of my dreary mood: I am sitting here, all in my head, thinking... what is the point of life if you don't do things you enjoy, have a job you enjoy (to an extent, no one really likes working), and people to share your life with? Is this really it for me? Will I graduate from college, get the job I've been working so hard these past few years to get, and buy a house? Really, is that it? I just live happily ever after with just my son? I mean, I would say friends too, but knowing me, most of my friends will be wed off by then (joking, that is a little too far). Don't get me wrong, I am happy to strive and provide the best care and life I can for my son... thus the entire point of going to school. But.. I don't want to become some cat lady. I mean, I might even want more kids one day.
I am sure that I am a mess right now for nothing and I'll most likely get over it in the morning, but today/tonight, it truly is bothering me. I want a strong, mad, passionate love. I want something that I can tell my son stories about when he finds himself falling in love with a girl. I want that. I want that true love, the love that you can't stand that thought of being apart. I want to share passions with someone, and do adorable things that make people want to puke in their mouths a little. I want to go on cute little trips with someone to things like the Boston Aquarium, up north to see the foliage, carve pumpkins together, cook dinner together, go on long car rides just for the fun of it, or just sit at home and watch a movie together. There is obviously a substantial amount more that I am leaving out, but I will spare you the dry heaving. And there is a great deal more to a relationship than just these little things, none the less, I want it. I want to know there is more to life than what I am doing now.
I've been enjoying this single time I have. It is when I do my best work, I realize more about myself, and have a great time with my friends (not that I don't always have a great time with my friends, but I spend more time with them being single). But most of my friends are in new blooming relationships now, and I am just like....
I do get out and about, I am great with meeting new people, and I am always being told that I have this glow/charm about me. So, like a idiot I believe my friends. But enough is enough, when am I going to meet my prince fucking charming? I just think it is about time I find someone, but c'est la vie.
Anyways, the point of my dreary mood: I am sitting here, all in my head, thinking... what is the point of life if you don't do things you enjoy, have a job you enjoy (to an extent, no one really likes working), and people to share your life with? Is this really it for me? Will I graduate from college, get the job I've been working so hard these past few years to get, and buy a house? Really, is that it? I just live happily ever after with just my son? I mean, I would say friends too, but knowing me, most of my friends will be wed off by then (joking, that is a little too far). Don't get me wrong, I am happy to strive and provide the best care and life I can for my son... thus the entire point of going to school. But.. I don't want to become some cat lady. I mean, I might even want more kids one day.
I am sure that I am a mess right now for nothing and I'll most likely get over it in the morning, but today/tonight, it truly is bothering me. I want a strong, mad, passionate love. I want something that I can tell my son stories about when he finds himself falling in love with a girl. I want that. I want that true love, the love that you can't stand that thought of being apart. I want to share passions with someone, and do adorable things that make people want to puke in their mouths a little. I want to go on cute little trips with someone to things like the Boston Aquarium, up north to see the foliage, carve pumpkins together, cook dinner together, go on long car rides just for the fun of it, or just sit at home and watch a movie together. There is obviously a substantial amount more that I am leaving out, but I will spare you the dry heaving. And there is a great deal more to a relationship than just these little things, none the less, I want it. I want to know there is more to life than what I am doing now.
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