It's elementary my dear

On a spontaneous whim I decided to take summer classes, which means I will be in Spanish III in the Spring.  I know it doesn't sounds too exciting, but I am so beside myself! I also am pretty sure I can not wait for this summer to be over. I hate winter, but love Fall too much.

In other news, I saw an old friend a few days ago and he mentioned something that bothered me. See, we were talking about how things were going and what not, and I had mentioned that a bunch of my friends got into new relationships so I wasn't expecting to see them for at least three months because of the whole "honeymoon faze" that couples go through. So far every one of my friends I have ever had has done this, so I expect nothing less from future friends. I digress, he then went on to say, "So how about you? Are you seeing someone, I mean, since I haven't seen you in ages...." And I was just like, well shit... No, I have been single for the past ten months. I went on with, "I just tend to enjoy my alone time, you know how I am.. I am all around New Hampshire one minute, and then I fall off the face of the Earth the next." We just kind of smiled and changed the subject. Well, now that I have rambled on, the whole point to my agitation was that I feel like a pretty shitty friend. All this time I thought my friends just kind of went on with their lives and left me to find new friends... when really, I disappear. I mean, with the exception of friends who get into new relationships, I tend to be the one who just gets into new hobbies or school things which in turn I start getting to know more people and basically stop keeping in touch with my older friends. I don't do this on purpose, but it is just how I operate I suppose. I get tired of the same shit, and move on. I like change. But, I am going to try an hold on to the people I have now. The friends I have accumulated while attending NHTI are the most amazing people I have ever met in my entire life. They are always there for me, and never let me down. I am going to try hard to not let them down either.... and now I will stop being all lovey and gooey.

Truth be told, I have learned more about myself in the past ten months, than I have learned in the past twenty-six years. I feel as though it is an appropriate observation or hypothesis to say that being single has helped me a lot. I have grown so much as an individual, and becoming more the person I've always wanted to be. Someone I like and can be proud of.

I really enjoy watching The New Girl

Working on a better me

I have decided to start learning Spanish. My college offers up to Spanish III, which should be pretty cool. I wish they offered Latin classes, but what good will Latin do me.. I guess? At least learning one new language will open doors for me and it will be fantastic for getting work when I am finished school. I must keep looking towards the future, because living in the now isn't particularly getting me anywhere. I need to stay focused.
I need to be a better me, the best me I can be. Maybe that's what happens.. maybe that is when we find our soul mate? Searching for them does me no good, so I've devised a plan to stop looking and start working on having a good life and enjoying it as it is. And then perhaps one day I will be lucky enough for that one person to grace me with their presence, and I them.
 Tú eres mi tormenta

When words fall short

"When words fall short"

There aren't enough feelings with names,
this is where words fall short.
When a storm is brewing and the air smells like rain
I get this mixture of excitement
nervousness, and fear
There is no one word to describe this concoction.
My face brightens with my least strangled smile
when I hear your voice.
No one else can make me laugh as effortless.
You are my rain storm,
brewing in my stomach filled with butterflies tied in knots,
and I am not quite sure how.
Could I ever possibly explain to you,
just how excited,
how nervous,
how fearful,
you make me?
                    -J.Lajoie

That is all

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That moment I became a douche

My brain is going a million miles per hour. With out school work, my second job, and my friends at school.. I am a legitimate wreck. On the bright side I have be going to the gym Mon through Fri. Taking weekends off for work and what not.

Today I felt like an asshole. I am single, and have a child, which you should know by now if you have actually read what I write. ( These are the two things I tend to talk about the most lol.) I digress, my son's father's girlfriend (whom I actually really like, she is like the best girlfriend he has ever had, go baby daddy!), posted a picture of a bouquet of flowers and a gift that he (my ex) had given her. Mind you, I was not upset because he got her something and not me.... I mean, I wouldn't date him again.. like fucking ever. But I was upset that we had dated for three years and he never once gave me a Mother's Day gift. Also, I got really upset because she isn't a mom. I'm Mikey's mom.. like what the fuck? While they were having a super cute Mother's Day at his place with my son... I sat at home like a fucking loser watching sappy romantic movies crying because I am forever alone. Then the time came when I got to pick up my son (my ex gets him every weekend and I have him Mon through Fri.), when I got out of my car I saw my son holding roses and he said, "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy!" To which his father and his dad's girlfriend whispered to him that it was Mother's Day not Valentine's Day. Wrong holiday little man. hahaha! It had then dawned on me that 1. These roses were from the bouquet that my ex gave to his girlfriend, and 2. I am a raging bag of dicks.

Seriously, she really is a mom, she has been helping my ex with our son for awhile now, and they are probably going to get married soon. Why not celebrate Mother's Day for her, right? And who gives a shit what he didn't do for me? I need to grow the fuck up. What they did was really sweet. Sometimes I can be the worst person imaginable. Someone I never thought I could be, some jealous spinster who sits at home at watches romance movies all day while crying into cake.... now all I need are 60 cats and I am golden. Well, I hope it never gets to that point. I just know that this is why I need to be kept busy with school. As much as a summer break sounded refreshing, I should have taken summer classes. I always forget, amongst all the school work with finals, that summer is boring as fuck without school.

Conscious thoughts part 1

Sometimes you throw so many mixed signals my way I am unsure of what you really think of me. Confusion can really mess with a girl's head, ya know? I've mention things outright, and you still find a way around the answers. Slippery serpents.