Reminiscence?

Now that I am starting school soon...

I have been so excited to learn as much as I possibly can, and decide for myself what my future will entail. With all this thinking of the future, I started thinking about my past. I decided to write about it. 

When I was younger, probably between the ages of 17 and 20, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. If anything during the time I thought maybe I was just going to spend the rest of my life at Dunkin' Donuts. I had no problem with that, seeing as I was making a lot of money as a store manager; with hopes of one day becoming a district or regional manager. School wasn't something I was thinking about. Then after about a year of dating my ex I realized I wanted more for myself.  I didn't want to be just another person stuck in a fast food career for the rest of my life. I always felt like everyone knew more than me. I'm more street smart than book smart. I would rather have a little of both than just knowledge of one.

I remember when I was 18, I decided to check out Hesser College because I thought that was what you were suppose to do. Turn 18, go to college. I also had thought that it was expected of me. Seeing as I always thought of myself as the black sheep of the family. My brother and sister had both dropped out and had no plans on going to college, so I thought I had to prove them wrong. At the time I had no idea what I was doing, nor did I know how much money was involved with school. I only knew that Hesser accepted GED's. Since I had dropped out, that was the only option; so I thought. I went to see and adviser with my parents and we talked about what I wanted to go to school for. At the time I wanted to be a psychologist, so it seemed best fit to study psychology. I think they gave me a rough estimate of about two-thousand dollars. My mouth just about hit the floor. If anyone has seen my dumb-founded, than you can imagine how blank and baffled my mind was at that point in time. I wanted to crawl into my sweat shirt and just cry. I can just imagine if I had, bright red hair sticking out of the top of my sweat shirt with soft sobs coming out from underneath, all the while my parents and the adviser just staring... thinking to themselves "OH GREAT!" 

My parents wouldn't co-sign for the loan, and I had no idea about financial aid. I assumed that maybe school just wasn't for me...and went on with my life as a loyal Dunkin's employee. Just think, if only I had pushed myself as I do now I would have looked into school more and figured out everything that I needed to know... perhaps even be graduated by now and starting or living my career. I have a feeling things would have been a lot different if I had the mind I have now, then. Not that I regret my son, or the mistakes I've made. I wouldn't be the person I am today without my mistakes. I feel I know so much now, well as much as a person can know about learning from accidents and mishaps.

I am happy that I am growing. My mind has changed a lot from when I was younger. I use to hate public places. I would have these panic attacks, and just have to leave. I was never a people person. I was very quiet and shy, never spoke up. I enjoyed hiding in the back. (Please for the love of god don't see me!) Now I am a pretty loud person, when I am comfortable in my surroundings.  Though there aren't many surroundings that make my uncomfortable. I don't have problems meeting new people, in fact I enjoy it! I am not afraid to be myself, or speak up when something is bothering me. The old me would have been envious of the new me. I like to think so at least. Well, that just a burp into my past. Hope it was worth the read.